Do You Swear To Tell The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth, So Help Your Black Ass Uke tab by Amanda Palmer

G   Dm
when i was six years old my sister alyson
      F  C
asked for a stove for her birthday
  G  Dm
a miniature one you could actually cook with
    F    C
and my mom was nice and she bought one

G                      Dm
alyson needed a reason to bake something
F                     C
barged in my room and she grabbed me, she said:
G                  Dm
"i made a cake and we're going next door
F                      C
to sam weinstein's and you're getting married"

G
the cake was burned
   Dm
it tasted gross
    F
she made me kiss him
C
on the mouth

G
now i am 33
Dm
unmarried happily
F                    C                       G
no plans in life and i'm planning to keep it that way
             Dm
i do kissing with only one mission
F                    C
do you like to kiss? then you have my permission

[Follow same pattern for the rest of the verses]

[Chorus: Use Single Chords]
         G               Dm
and i have already spent too much time
F            C
doing things i didn't want to
                     G                 Dm
so if i just want to make out all the time
        F                  C
you can bet your black ass that i'm going to

[Bridge: Strum Slowly]
G               Dm
yes i come here often
F              C
sure i'll have another one
G               Dm
yes i come here often
F              C
sure i'll have another one
but i don't have to talk to you

[End]

    G            Dm
and i've already spent too much time
F               C
doing things i didn't want to

G                        
so if i want to drink alone
Dm 
dressed like a pirate
   F
or look like a dyke
   C
or wear high heels and lipstick
   G
or hide in a convent
   Dm
or try to be mayor
   F
or marry a writer
   C
smoke crack and slash tires
     G
make jokes you don't like
     D
or paint ducks and retire
        F                  C
YOU CAN BET YOUR BLACK ASS THAT I'M GOING TO