Albuquerque Uke tab by Weird Al Yankovic

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Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the
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stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the
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street from Jerry s Bait Shop You know the place Well anyway back then
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life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy except of course
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for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would make me
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a big old bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast Daaaaaaaouh Big bowl of
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sauerkraut!
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Every single morning It was driving me crazy I said to
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my mom I said Hey mom what s up with all the sauerkraut And my dear
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sweet mother she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
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And she leaned right down next to me and she said It s good for you
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And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
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and force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty-six and a half
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years old That s when I swore that someday someday I would get out of
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that basement and travel to a magical far away place where the sun is
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always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are
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oh so fluffy where the shriners and the lepers play their ukulele s all
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day long and anyone on the street ll gladly shave you re back for a
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nickel Wakawakadoodoo yah Well let me tell you people that it wasn t
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long at all before my dream came true because the very next day a local
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radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number
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of molecules in Leonard Neroy s butt I was off by three but I still won
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the grand prize That s right a first class one-way ticket to
F chordF Fm7 chordFm7 B chordB Bm7 chordBm7 F chordF B chordB F chordF F chordF Fm7 chordFm7 B chordB Bm7 chordBm7 F chordF B chordB
A chordA - lbuquerque A chordA - lbuquerque Ah yah you know I never
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been on a real airplane before and I gotta tell ya it was really great
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Except that I had to ist between two large Albanian women with
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excruciatingly severe body odour and the little kid in back of me kept
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throwing up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr Pepper
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and salted peanuts and the in flight movie was Biodome with Polly Shore
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And oh yah three of the airplane's engines burned down and we went into a
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tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant
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fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why Cause I had my
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train table up and my seat back in the full upright position had my
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train table up and my seat back in the full upright position had my
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train table up and my seat back in the full upright position Ah ha ha
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ha Oh ha ha Ahhhh So I crawled from the twisted burnin wreckage I
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crawled on my hands and knees for three full days dragging along my big
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leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone and my
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twelve-pound bowling ball and my lucky lucky autographed glow in the dark
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snorkel But finally a arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday
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Inn where the towels are oh so fluffy and you could eat you re soup
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right out of the ashtrays if you wanna it s OK their clean Well I
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checked into my room and I turned down the AC and I turned on the spectro
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vision and I was just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
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that I love so very very much when suddenly there s a knock on the door

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Well now who could that be I say who is it No answer Who is it
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There s no answer Who is it They re not saying anything so finally I
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go over and I open the door and just as I suspected it s some big fat
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hermaphrodite with a flock of seagull s haircut and only one nostril Oh
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man I hate it when I m right So anyway he burst into my room and grabbes

my lucky snorkel and I m like hey you can t have that That snorkel has
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been just like a snorkel to me And he s like tough And I m like give
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it And he s like make me And I m like k So I grabbed his leg and
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he grabbed my oesophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my
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eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a valonic irrigation
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yes indeed you better believe it And somehow in the middle of it all the
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phone got knocked off the hook and twenty seconds later I heard a
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familiar voice and you know what it said I ll tell you what it said it
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said if you d like to make a call please hang up and try again If you
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need help hang up and then dial you re operator If you d like to make a
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call please hang up and try again If you need help hang up and then dial
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you re operator In A chordA - lbuquerque A chordA - lbuquerque Well
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to cut a long story short he got away with my snorkel But I made a solemn
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vow right then and there that I would rest I would not sleep for an
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instant until the one-nostriled man was brought to justice But first I
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decided to buy some donuts So I got in my car and drove over to the donut
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shop and I walked right up to the guy behind the counter and he says yah

wadaya want
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I said you got any glazed donuts He said naaa were all out of
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glazed donuts I said well you got any jelly donuts He said naaa
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were all out of jelly donuts I said you got any Bavarian cream-filled
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donuts He said naaa were all out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts I

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said you got any cinnamon rolls He said naaa were all out of
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cinnamon rolls I said you got any apple fritters He said naaa
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were out of apple fritters I said you got any bear claws He said

wait a minute I'll go check

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Naaa were out of bear claws I said well in that case in that case
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what do you have He said all I ve got right now is this box of one

dozen starving crazed weasels G------ I said OK I ll take that So he

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hands over the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out and they
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immediately latch onto my face and start biting me all over ayiyi
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yiyiyiyi Oh oh man they were just going nuts Their terin me apart You
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know I think it was just about that time that little ditty started goin
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through my head I believe it went a little something like this
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?Doooohgetemoffmegettemoffmeooogetemoffgettemoffoooohgetoooohgeooohoooahhh
B chordB F chordF F chordF F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF
hohhhiahhooohahahahhhohhhhh I ran out onto the street with these flesh
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eating weasels all over my face waiving my arms all around and just
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runnin and runnin and runnin like a constipated wiener dog And as luck
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would have it that s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams her
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name was Zelda She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite
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and hair the colour of strange peaches I ll never forget the very first
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thing she said to me she said hey you got weasels on your face

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That s when I knew it was true love we were inseparable after that oh we
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ate together we bathed together we even shared the same piece of mint
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flavoured dental floss The world was our burrito So we got married and
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we bought us a house and had two beautiful children Nathaniel and
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Superfly Oh we were so very very very happy oh ya But then one fateful

night Zelda said to me she said Sweetie-pumpkin do you want to join
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the Columbia Record Club I said Wooooah hold on now baby I m
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just not ready for that kind of a commitment So we broke up and I never
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saw her again but that s just the way things go In A chordA
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lbuquerque A chordA - lbuquerque

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Anyway then things really started looking up for me because about a week
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later I finally achieved my life-long dream That s right I got me a part
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time job at the Sizzler I even made employee-of-the-month after I put
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out that grease-fire with my face Oh ya everyone was pretty jealous of me
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after that I was getting lota attitude OK like one time I was out in
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the parking lot trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil when
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I see this guy Marty tryin to carry a big old sofa up the stairs all by
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himself So I-I say to him I say hey you want me to help you with
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that And Marty he just rolls his eyes and goes nooooo I want you to cut
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off my arms and legs with a chain saw So I did And then he gets all
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indignant on me he s like hey mad I was just being sarcastic Well
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that s just great how was I supposed to know that I m not a mind reader
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for crying out loud Besides now he s got a really cute nickname Torso boy


what s he complaining about Say that reminds me of another amusing
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anecdote this guy comes up to me on the street and tells me he hasn t had
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a bite in three days Well I knew what he meant but just to be funny I
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took a big bite out of his jugular vein and he s yelling and screaming
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and bleeding all over and I m like hey come on don t you get it But he
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just kept rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming YAHHHH
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OHHHH AHHHH And I m completely missing the irony of the whole situation
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man some people just can t take a joke you know Anyway um um where was
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I Kinda lost my train of thought Oh uh well oh okay anyway I know it s
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a roundabout way of saying it but I guess the whole point I m trying to
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make is I HATE SAURKROUT That s all I m really trying to say and by
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the way if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an
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exsulstential quandary full of woeing and self doubt and wrapped with the
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pain and isolation of you re pitiful meaningless existence at least even
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take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this
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crazy old mixed up universe of ours there s still a little place called
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A chordA - lbuquerque A chordA - lbuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque
F chordF B chordB F chordF B chordB F chordF
Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque
B chordB F chordF B chordB F chordF B chordB F chordF B chordB F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB
Albuquerque I say A chordA A chordA L L B chordB B chordB U U QUERQUE QUERQUE
F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF
Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque
B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB
Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque
F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF B chordB B chordB F chordF F chordF
Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque
B chordB B chordB F chordF
Albuquerque Albuquerque

 

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About this song

“Albuquerque” is the last song of "Weird Al" Yankovic's Running with Scissors album. At 11 minutes and 22 seconds, it is the longest song Yankovic has ever released on any of his official studio albums.With the exception of the choruses and occasional bridges, the track is mostly a spoken word narration about Yankovic's made-up life in Albuquerque, New Mexico, after winning a first-class one-way airplane ticket to the city. The song appears to mimic "Dick's Automotive" by The Rugburns and may be one of his "style parodies". Read more on Last.fm.

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