The Negative (waitress) Uke tab by Sara Bareilles

Strumming pattern: udu-uu , d-du-udu

( G 4x )
Jenna, time to pee on a stick
Wh-? I don't wanna know

G
COME ON HONEY, YOU'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH
D
GET TO IT AND DO IT!
Wh- okay, girls! Enough!
Em
YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN
                  C
I HOPE YOU DRANK ENOUGH THIS MORNING

G
COME ON, SWEETIE, IT'S BETTER TO KNOW
D
WE'LL BE RIGHT HERE WITH YOU, SO...
Em
IT'S NO OR IT'S YES
           C                      G
BUT EITHER WAY YOU GOTTA TAKE THE TEST

A SQUAT AND A SQUEEZE
D
A PRAYER AND A PLEASE
IT'S NOTHING
Em
A STICK AND A LINE
             C
JUST ONE OF 'EM, IF I'M LUCKY
G
A POT AND A PISS
D           Em
HERE WE GO, SIS
                   C
AND WE'LL KEEP OUR FOCUS ON
G
THE NEGATIVE!

( G D Em C )
Read the instructions
English!
Do not insert the test stick into your vagina
Wooooow. Thank you, Dawn

G
HOW'S I EVER GET MYSELF IN THIS MESS?
D
ONE DRUNK NIGHT IN THAT STUPID RED DRESS
Em
Oh, I love that red dress! The way it sparkles,
                 C
it looks like an ice skating outfit
Stay with us, Dawn!

G
MAYBE HIS MACHINERY IS BROKEN SOMEHOW?
D                                     Em                                  
WHAT IF HIS BOYS DON'T SWIM?! I MEAN, WOW! (Spoken) Miraculous luck!
Yeah, miraculous!
       C
TO GET AWAY WITH AN UNPROTECTED F-
G                       D
FUNNY HOW ONE NIGHT CAN RUIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE
Em                     C
DON'T GO THERE YET, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE TEST SAYS

G
I'M ALREADY PANICKED!
D
Just calm down, Godammit!
Em
MAYBE IT'LL ALL BE FINE
C
MAYBE THERE'LL BE JUST ONE LINE
         G
COME ON, NEGATIVE!

( G 4x )
I thought you don't sleep much with you husband much anymore?
Well, I - he got me drunk. I do stupid things when I drink, like sleep with my husband
Honey, we've all made that mistake

D Em  C          G
FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE!
          Em       C
THIS WILL ALL BE ALRIGHT
       Em
IT WAS ONLY ONE NIGHT
C
SOMEONE SEND ME A SIGN
G   D
ONE LINE
Em  D
ONE LINE

Em                     C
THAT MEANS THE TEST IS READY
THIS IS IT . . .  ( G 3x )

D     G...
Shit!